Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Diet, Fast Or Just Plain Depression (Why diet If You're Not Having Fun?)

May is the month of events.  I already had 2 major ones and it is only May 5! If I were the way I want to be I would be celebrating Cinco de Mayo right now.  Instead I decided to give myself and body a break.  Actually that's not true.  I have not reached some very big image goals and I decided that if I "took off" for Derby and for a reunion with my friends I would have to give up Cinco de Mayo.  If I looked perfect, felt perfect and was proud of myself I would be out tonight in spite of being a widow. Unfortunately I am not where, what or who I need to be right now and it is easier to focus on the superficial because those results are easier to notice.  I like checking things off my list and frankly (although I am working on it) becoming my higher self is going to take a while.  Plus, I have more events I have to go to at the end of the month.  Whatever outer improvements I can make will at least help me feel better.

You can get this prepackaged organic fruits and vegetables
at Krogers and just put it in you blender.  So easy!

Harvest Sensations great for Alkaline Diet

Spicy canned Tuna with Fried Egg
perfect low carb

Spicy canned Tuna with Fried Egg
perfect low carb

In January I had it all planned.  I would do the Alkaline Diet for 2 weeks and extreme low carb for 2 weeks alternating between the two.  That worked for about a month and I did keep off that weight but  then I would have weeks of drinking and eating pizza.  I also dropped the low carb part of the weeks when I continued my diet.  It is no fun being low carb if no one is doing it with you and the rest of "The 4" have been to stressed and busy to really diet.  Of course Faith goes to the gym, Joy always looks great and mom is fabulous whenever she puts in just a little effort, so it really makes this just my problem.  Don't get me wrong all of us could stand some improvement but I am the one drowning so I have to do this alone.

I know the me in a good place would rock alternating between the two diets, Alkaline and Low Carb.  I like playing with my food.  I like all or nothing menus.  But right now I am not in the mood to play.  My wedding anniversary is on May 14th and being a widow sucks.  I have no fight.  I don't care one way or another about what comes next in my life.  The only thing I do care about is people seeing me.  Yes, I am miserable but I don't want people to see me at my worst.  I don't want people to see me at all but if I have to be seen can't I at least look good! I like playing with my diet food like I said.  I like being creative but not right now.  I made a decision late night May 3rd after returning home from meeting with friends I have not seen for years.  I decided to fast until my anniversary.  Then I don't know what comes next.  I think I will fast the entire day of my anniversary May 14th and then I think May 15th I will go out on a date by myself and I will enjoy eating out and I will enjoy my food.  I will live in the moment of me.  When I was a little girl I would sing Me And My Shadow.  I forgot how obsessed I was with that song and my own shadow until a few months ago.

May 16th I'll be back on an Alkaline Diet until the next big event.  I would do low carb (we actually say the meat diet in our house, lol) but it can bloat you for the first 3 days and give you a headache so I will have to try my little alternating diet in June.  I hope by then I will be playing with my food again because let's be honest why diet without having fun.  It is a game.  You don't have to take the joy out of food even when trying to make your weight goal.

PS When I am having fun on a diet these are some of the things I eat.

When we were all on a diet and in Atlanta we had this:

When in Florida we all at this:

And I made this for everyone:

Chicken, Kale and Cheese Frittata