Fear and Love; Diet and Food

Love Yascone with Jonathan Goldsmith at Astral Tequila bottle signing
and a Food collage
These are just some of my repeat meals this year

Fear and Love 

Yes, I realize the irony and the play on my name.  I am only going to talk about my fears with dieting and my love of food and how they get in my way.  I am one of those people who refuse to let my dieting affect my feelings for food.  I love food.  Love and fear can’t be together when I have food.  Unfortunately for me, diet and fear go hand in hand.  Over coming my fear of starting a diet means, for however long, I will be spurning some of my food loves.

Fear and Diet

Days before I start a diet I come up with a plan.  Once that plan is made it takes me days before I start.  

Fear #1 Stickler Love: Once I Start I don’t stop.  

This is especially true when I do low carb or the Keto Diet.  Keto is the highest performing diet I have ever done.  It is better than HCG, low carb, Intermittent Fasting Only, Carbohydrate Addict, Beverly Hills Diet, Sadkins and yes, plant based diets. (Why Keto? I don’t lose muscle and I am never hungry.) Keto is the strictest of all the diets.  Mistakes, at least for me, cannot be made.  Therefore when I start a diet I set a goal and/or a date and I can’t break my diet until that goal/date is reached.  It is because of this I usually start with a plant based diet or Intermittent Fasting if I have a lot of events to attend.

Fear #2 Missing Events and Cool Moments

Yes, it always seems I start my diets the day before some celebrity chef has an event, or there is a major bourbon or tequila tasting, or it is the most beautiful pre-summer day in years and it demands tacos or ramen with friends.  (I know I can make low carb versions but I want to be out enjoying someone else's food.) It is because of fear #2 that I ate tacos at El Taco Luchador three times this week.  It is also the reason my diet plan starts plant based and ends Keto.  I will post a video for my summer diet plan.  (Note: I started my period this week so the Tacos may be because of PMS.)

Fear #3 Failure

Part of success is picking the right diet at the right time and having the right frame of mind.  I am going through a lot these days. Literally I was just interrupted to deal with negative energy again.  It is enough to run out the house and have a nice glass of wine while looking at the river.  So depression causes failure.  If I am losing weight this usually doesn’t happen but sometimes I can also feel isolated when I am on a diet, so it depends.  The worst of the worst, is if a negative outside force comes after me.  Like at this moment.  I am innocently writing you and someone negatively impacts me.  Well, I haven’t started my plan yet.  I should just give up today.  Failure hurts me.  I have major events to go to on Friday and Saturday.  Going to these events looking the same way I look today would also make me feel like a failure.  I need to do a video on this, too.  I fear coming up with plans because once I have a plan I need to start it.  If I don’t start that is a failure.  Worse, if I start and quit due to some reason or other, it is a bigger failure.  The absolute worst failure (and this has happened to me) is being a stickler on a diet for two months and not losing an ounce.  I was suffering on a very strict diet missing Hollywood parties while my sisters went out and I did not lose a pound! The failure never left my heart.  It was an event that colors all my dieting fears.  I have an allergy to sugar substitutes including the natural ones.  I can use sugar alcohols (without a migraine) but, my body will not lose any weight.  I won’t gain but I won’t lose either.  It was a horrible lesson and I reconfirmed the lesson when I made my Keto pound cake.  The cake was wonderful and I did not gain weight but I did not lose either.  Other people don’t have this problem but I do.  It is a built in failure😢, but knowing is half the battle.

Once I start my diet for real I am confident.  I know the goal.  My love for certain foods are ignored.  Although I do look at food porn a lot. So what does food do for my life? Let’s explore.

My Love Of Food

To me, food is art.  Food is the emotion enhancer.  Food is a mood setter.  Food defines the moment, the season, the event and the person.  I happen to be an eclectic individual.  I can be the French woman with the simple frock and a joie de vie.  I can be the Neet who has binged all the episodes of My Hero Academia.  I can also be the woman going club hopping with friends.  I know the clothes I would wear to make each moment picture perfect.  I also know the food I would eat and the alcohol I would drink.  I realized for the longest time I have not been enjoying my summers.  Why? I never took that summer has started let’s have summer food moment.  Yes, I know the saying, “Do we eat to live or live to eat?” To me it is a bullshit phrase to over simplify a great issue.  What is life to YOU? To me life can be art, even the most ugly moments make beautiful pictures.  Food is art and so is the sample size dress I want to fit into.  Do you want to live your life as a function or as art?  Is life a task? Or is life a string of positive and negative emotions telling one kick ass story? I love how food can enhance and change a moment.  

I really want to change the moment I am having now.   But to tell the truth diet food is a moment too.  I have had my fill of food. I also know Saturday and Friday are going to be good days.  What my plant based diet shake says about me is that I am in the challenge of my life and I intend to win. 

(I failed horribly, I never started because I started my period, lol.  The cravings were too strong and I just did not need the added stress.  So I will start after Memorial Day. Yes, I will be posting a video on youtube and you can watch my past exploits there too.)

Fat Bomb Soup 

my Favorite Keto Diet Recipes

(If you want to see more of my food follow me on Instagram and YouTube and Snapchat.)

My Jedi Mind Trick Diet

"These are not the pounds you're looking for," is what I say to my body.  I am trying my best to lose weight.  For some reason when I start one thing I drop another.  My hair is not getting the same attention nowadays .  The ideal solution for my perfect life would be to have no weight issue and concentrate on my hair but I am not there yet.  To tell the truth I need to cross this body issue thing off my list.  Bryan's birthday is Oct. 12th and I would like to be better than I am right now.  I don't want to be destroyed by grief and yet I fight the need to be destroyed by grief.  I am better than what I have shown the world.  No one has ever seen me at full power.  I am one of those people who choose to be underestimated.  Now I am in a world I never thought I would be in and I have to say enough.  My grief makes it impossible for me to...I am the one who believes all is possible.  Being the me who hid my best self is a bad habit learned early in my life and practiced by me for too long.

So to get back on track I want my body to be its best.  My head I know is not in the best place, hence the Jedi Mind Tricks.

1. Weigh in British Stones Only.  My mind has a built-in belief about pounds and weight loss.  I need to use a system I don't understand at all.
2. Low carb Diet, it would be a no carb diet but every night I have cashew milk with turmeric, ginger, cinnamon, black pepper and a dash of maple syrup.
3. Chicken with grilled eggplant and zucchini every meal for now
4. Intermittent fasting

Keeping it simple is the only way.  I made sure that both my sisters birthdays were eat days.  On the first day I recorded my weight in pounds and then in stones.  I will vlog about how I feel and what I discover and I hope the Jedi Mind Tricks work.  I will post vlogs here until I write something new about my diet.

Diet, Fast Or Just Plain Depression (Why diet If You're Not Having Fun?)

May is the month of events.  I already had 2 major ones and it is only May 5! If I were the way I want to be I would be celebrating Cinco de Mayo right now.  Instead I decided to give myself and body a break.  Actually that's not true.  I have not reached some very big image goals and I decided that if I "took off" for Derby and for a reunion with my friends I would have to give up Cinco de Mayo.  If I looked perfect, felt perfect and was proud of myself I would be out tonight in spite of being a widow. Unfortunately I am not where, what or who I need to be right now and it is easier to focus on the superficial because those results are easier to notice.  I like checking things off my list and frankly (although I am working on it) becoming my higher self is going to take a while.  Plus, I have more events I have to go to at the end of the month.  Whatever outer improvements I can make will at least help me feel better.

You can get this prepackaged organic fruits and vegetables
at Krogers and just put it in you blender.  So easy!

Harvest Sensations great for Alkaline Diet

Spicy canned Tuna with Fried Egg
perfect low carb

Spicy canned Tuna with Fried Egg
perfect low carb

In January I had it all planned.  I would do the Alkaline Diet for 2 weeks and extreme low carb for 2 weeks alternating between the two.  That worked for about a month and I did keep off that weight but  then I would have weeks of drinking and eating pizza.  I also dropped the low carb part of the weeks when I continued my diet.  It is no fun being low carb if no one is doing it with you and the rest of "The 4" have been to stressed and busy to really diet.  Of course Faith goes to the gym, Joy always looks great and mom is fabulous whenever she puts in just a little effort, so it really makes this just my problem.  Don't get me wrong all of us could stand some improvement but I am the one drowning so I have to do this alone.

I know the me in a good place would rock alternating between the two diets, Alkaline and Low Carb.  I like playing with my food.  I like all or nothing menus.  But right now I am not in the mood to play.  My wedding anniversary is on May 14th and being a widow sucks.  I have no fight.  I don't care one way or another about what comes next in my life.  The only thing I do care about is people seeing me.  Yes, I am miserable but I don't want people to see me at my worst.  I don't want people to see me at all but if I have to be seen can't I at least look good! I like playing with my diet food like I said.  I like being creative but not right now.  I made a decision late night May 3rd after returning home from meeting with friends I have not seen for years.  I decided to fast until my anniversary.  Then I don't know what comes next.  I think I will fast the entire day of my anniversary May 14th and then I think May 15th I will go out on a date by myself and I will enjoy eating out and I will enjoy my food.  I will live in the moment of me.  When I was a little girl I would sing Me And My Shadow.  I forgot how obsessed I was with that song and my own shadow until a few months ago.

May 16th I'll be back on an Alkaline Diet until the next big event.  I would do low carb (we actually say the meat diet in our house, lol) but it can bloat you for the first 3 days and give you a headache so I will have to try my little alternating diet in June.  I hope by then I will be playing with my food again because let's be honest why diet without having fun.  It is a game.  You don't have to take the joy out of food even when trying to make your weight goal.

PS When I am having fun on a diet these are some of the things I eat.

When we were all on a diet and in Atlanta we had this:

When in Florida we all at this:

And I made this for everyone:

Chicken, Kale and Cheese Frittata 

The Way of Fire: My Primo Passo Using The Color Red And Fire To Take Control of My Body

Okay it is late.  There is a storm rolling in and I can hear the thunder.  It shakes the walls of the room and now I hear the droplets of rain.  Oddly enough, I am showing one of my sisters, Joy, RDG (Red Data Girl) but don't get it twisted I have had this "Way of Fire" idea for months.  I have a slight migraine with nausea.  I am doing better than I was this morning.  I was vomiting at 5:00 am.  It is now 10 minutes until 10:00pm.  It is a new moon and I have put off implementing this little idea for far to long.  The new moon is a good day to take my first step, my primo passo on The Way Of Fire.

My brain and hands seem to be the only living parts of me, every other part of me at best seems to be in a coma and at worst...well a rock seems to have more life.  I thought about it for a long time. My body and I are losing our connection.  I have allowed my physical form to go the path of destruction.  Being in mourning makes it hard to acknowledge the need to get up and exercise. (My dog is demanding my attention at this very moment.) I can't go on a diet. The thought of exercising to improve my health just is not motivating.  There is only one thing that can fix my physical form, my imagination. (Now my dog is hiding under me.  The storm is getting worse.)

I have researched and I have decided to play with the color red, the frequency of the color red and the element of fire. (The electricity cut out for a second, this night has the makings of a good horror film right now.)  My goal is to wear red for one, everyday even if it is just lipstick.  My hope is that by wearing the color red my eyes and soul will awaken.  I have the frequency sound of the color red on disc.  The frequency of red is said to penetrate the body deeper than any of the other colors. There is a warning for people with high blood not to use the frequency red.  No problem for me I have extremely low blood pressure.  They also say people with anger issues should stay away from red.  I will have to take that risk.  I have an infrared sauna, which is also good for the body.  I will use the red frequency tone while in the sauna.  I will also play with the element of fire when choosing my food.  There are websites that talk about the element of fire and the color red.  I am a little too sick right now to write.  What is important for me is to hold the thought of the element fire and the color red.  I need to experience it in a way that makes my body a priority.

Below are links to get you started on your own play with color:

 Colour Therapy   Colors and Color Healing   Colour Properties    Sound Color Therapy

Colours and their Sound frequencies    5 Element Food: About The Five Elements of Food

Lose 5 pounds In One Day The Worst Way Possible! Warning Dietary Supplement (Beta-Alanine) Pre-Workout Supplement Has Side Effects (Hint:Runny Side Effects)

Okay, this is a cautionary tale of taking a free sample because it's there.  Earlier this week Faith and I decided to get our butts in gear and start being productive human beings.  Our work is just piling up because we have many different projects going on at once.  We are intending to diet, but we really have not become serious about dieting yet.  In fact Faith is not on a diet at all which makes what happened to her extremely awful and funny and terrible and funny again.  This is my account.

We'd been working for a while but on different projects and in different areas of the house.  I knew that Faith was going to be stuck working on the Vela's Villa website all day, but I also knew she had other stuff on her list as well.  I too had a list of things that had to be completed, and I must admit we were both successfully ticking things off our list, but we were both afraid we might lose some steam if we kept working the way we were.  Earlier that afternoon Faith reminded me that we had these energy drink-dietary supplement samples.  She asked me if I wanted to share a packet.  I assumed she thought that if we split it we would get less caffeine.  I assumed she thought of killing two birds with one stone by getting the energy to work and maybe burning a few extra calories.  To be clear she was not on a diet.  I, on the other hand, was attempting to fast that day.  I was feeling pretty good and could not risk anything going wrong.  So, I told her I wasn't going to try it.  I had a very bad feeling.

A few hours pass.  Faith forgot to take it.  She is getting things done, and then somehow the idea must have popped into her head again.  Again she asks me if I want to split the sample.  Now let me inform you I rarely, if ever, turn down a chance to experiment with a new diet supplement.  I am usually the first in line.  If it will help you lose weight, I will take it! So, imagine Faith's surprise when I said, "No, I don't want to."  There was a little voice inside my head that said if I drink this stuff I will REGRET it.  Maybe it was the packaging that warned me.  Maybe it was because I really didn't want to ruin my fast.  Little did I know my fast was about to get destroyed because at some point Faith took what she thought was a half portion of that sample.

Our family in general has a problem with side effects, and if there is a side effect it will manifest in Faith's body with a quickness.  I was taking a break in Joy's suite because my area is being worked on and Joy's suite is right across from Faith's.  Faith calls out to me and ask me if I had any Benadryl.  She is attempting to be calm.  She is trying not to scream.  She is trying not to scratch.  She is telling me as calmly as she can that she is having a reaction to that sample (Optimum Nutrition Platinum PRE- Pre-Workout Fruit Punch) she took.  Her body movement says volumes.  She is acting like her hands, arms and head are on fire.  We look throughout the house. I always buy Benadryl but this time there is not one pill in the house.  I had taken them all up to our place in the mountains.  I give her the topical version instead in hopes that it would help her hands; it doesn't.  Later that night we would learn that Benadryl would not have worked to stop this reaction anyway.

Faith kept saying her blood was making her itch uncontrollably.  The more upset she got, the faster her blood would move and the worse the itching-tingle would become.  She had to stop working and be calm.  She began to do research on this diet supplement and if there was a way to reverse the effects (Thread On Beta Alanine Experience).  Not only did she learn she would have to ride it out, but also she learned that there was another side effect, an "awful terrible" one.  She thanked god that she was being spared this particular one, but was she really being sparred?

We decide to give up on work (because Faith really needed to stay as calm as possible) and watch some episodes of a Korean drama Full House Take 2.  I, at this point, was still fasting.  Hamburgers were being made, good ones.  I was still refusing to eat.  Then Faith got the "terrible awful" side effect.  One minute she was sitting on the couch, the next she was running to her private bathroom with fear she would not make it up the stairs.  Our mother screamed, "Just use the bathroom downstairs," but we all thank God she didn't.  That is when Bryan decided that Faith would need to have some extra treats and left the house to get her potato chips and soda.  Faith was becoming dehydrated fast.  At this point I said "F it," and we all settled in for a long night.  The hamburgers were awesome.  Watching Faith run back and forth was hilarious!  She drank a two liter of ginger ale all to herself!  It was a long hard night.  By the end it hurt for her legs to stand.  By morning she had lost 5 pounds and she had gained the knowledge that she would never ever take anything with Beta-Alanine again! I am just happy I avoided a world of pain.  Seriously, I wish I had taped it.  It would be so funny to watch now!  As for me, I didn't gain or lose weight that night.

Beauty By The Moon (Diet, Weight Loss And Long Hair)

Moon Oct. 17 2013

Okay, I am very bored with trying to make myself look the way I want in my dreams.  I am frankly burned out when it comes to diets and my hair can never grow fast enough to satisfy me. Right now the only thing that can excite me is fashion, but all my money is tied up, so I am not all that excited.  Unfortunately it seems the rest of the Ladies Of The Round Table are burned out on everything to do with self improvement, too.  In other words none of use can stay on a diet, and none of us seem to care!

This started me thinking, "Is there something wrong in the Universe?" Why can't I do what needs to be done? Why can't anyone in my family stay on a diet? I have been looking at adjusting my schedule to coincide with the moon.  I was explaining to Faith my little experiment when she asked me if I had ever tried to use the moon to plan my diet.  I had not.  Wow, I was using the waning and waxing of the moon to plan all sorts of things but not my diet.  Now I have heard of using the waxing and waning of the moon to grow your hair longer and loss weight, but I have never actually tried it.  This may be the something I needed.  Maybe I can breathe new life into my image goals.  Timing my diet to the waning and waxing of the moon might be fun.  So I looked up how to use the moon to make my hair longer and my waist smaller.

I looked at many sites and books.  I found Farmer's Almanac extremely helpful.  They have a Best Days Calendar that makes planning beauty ideas easy.  Apparently, starting a diet during a waxing moon is harder on your willpower.   Cutting your hair during a waning moon is a very bad idea if you want long hair.  Oh, and the best time to start a diet is the night of the Full Moon.  The full Moon this month is tomorrow, October 18, 2013 (also lunar eclipse).  Yes, tomorrow I will start my diet.  I will see if starting my dieting during the full Moon really makes things easier.  It won't be just me starting my diet by myself, I hope.  Mom and my sisters are supposed to start their diets tomorrow.  All of us will be doing The 4-Hour Body (Faith and I both read and love this book) and Pat Brown System (a friend recently told us to check this out).  In addition I am doing the the Fast Diet for a little extra kick; I really liked the book and I know that the 5:2 schedule will work well for me.  So, tomorrow we diet, but today we feast.  Joy and Faith made a huge brunch.  It was amazing.  Later tonight I will have Korean noodles and bourbon.

Tomorrow we diet.  Today I have no motivation to diet but maybe tomorrow will be different.  We have to diet.  We must diet.  Our goals are clear.  Diet to look even better than we did here:

Mom (Glenda)

Love (me)

Joy

Faith at Perfect.

My goal is to drop weight and grow longer hair using the help of the moon.  Heck, when you get bored with dieting you have to change it up.  If you need a new formula to help improve your image, start looking at things you haven't tried.  At the very least it will add a little excitement to your beauty routine.  As for now when the moon is waning I am going to give my hair oil treatments and deep conditioning.  Today I am going to feast, drink and be merry.  Oh, here is the brunch that Joy and Faith made for today's last hoorah.  Food porn anyone? Cheese Grits, Maple Bacon, Eggs, Cut Potatoes (home fries), Buttermilk Pancakes

Buttermilk Pancakes
Weisenberger Flour Mill a Kentucky Proud product