Call It A Work Christmas

The 4 have had a very odd year this year and yet it was not so odd.  It was full of ups and downs, arguments and fights followed by impossible achievements.  This Christmas like this year was very odd.  On paper we had the best Christmas ever!!! It was filled with evening gowns, 100% silk linens and major property acquisitions.  There were no real major fights during the Holidays and we had a beautiful Christmas tree.  We even have great pictures of the four of us together.  On paper everything was perfect.  In the years to come that is how I hope to remember everything.  Off paper was something the world doesn't see.  Everything we did, every present we gave each other, every picture we took, was part of our working Christmas.  Yes, even on Christmas Day, we worked.

The Gifts

We each purchased beautiful dresses for each other.  They look beautiful and we look beautiful in them but every dress we bought was for an ad campaign.  We didn't pick the dresses because we wanted them.  We picked the dresses because we needed them.  Do we love Ralph Lauren? Yes. Would we have made different purchases if these were actual gifts? Yes.  We were so under pressure the entire month of December that we didn't give ourselves a chance to even think.  We each got at least 5-8 great gowns and dresses.  If it were a holiday shopping spree it would have been a fun one.  We would have enjoyed ourselves.  Perspective is everything.  We were panicked.  We wanted a certain look so we didn't go for what we wanted for Christmas.  I look at the rack of clothes in our "war room" and they really are amazing but I can't say they were gifts because they weren't.  If I could do the moment again I would remove the pressure we felt to get things done.  I would have noticed sooner that I am in a store with my beautiful mother and my two beautiful sisters shopping for dresses.  Next year and the years to follow will be working Christmases, too.  I know this because of the type of work we do but I am going to have to learn to change my perspective.  A woman in the grocery store was talking to her sister on the phone.  I over heard her ask her sister if she wanted to go dress shopping.  It was only then that I realized that I had that moment with my sisters already and I missed it! When family works together it is hard sometimes.  We are entertainers, event planners and we host guest from around the world.  Entertainers never take off for holidays, hospitality never takes off for Holidays.  Technically we did not give each other gifts, but we can think of what we did purchase this year as a working gift.

I did however buy silk for each of us.  I had been meaning to for years but silk, even on sale, even with a coupon, is expensive.  I spent well over $300.00.  I think it was closer to $500.00.  I should know but I am trying to avoid becoming depressed.  So why did I buy silk now? It wasn't for Christmas, although my purchase arrived just before Christmas Eve.  I bought it because I am trying my best to avoid a major problem with our hair.  Yea, I know just get a regular satin pillow case and hair cap.  I tried that.  I have used that for years.  Silk is better.  Satin served me well but it was not enough.  Satin keeps hair healthy but it doesn't protect as well as silk.  Oh and just so you know satin is the type of weave of the fabric it is not fabric.  Satin can be any fabric including silk.  I also learned that real silk is sold by the weight not thread count.  Well, to get back to the topic.  Something really bad happened that I don't want to talk about, but the silk was all I could do to help the situation.  I one day I will have the money to get them piles and piles of silk for fun.

The property we bought is a historic building.  It is a building everyone notices when you drive by and we will make it a place people won't forget.  We closed on this building in December which is a great Christmas present for all of us but...this was a lot of work.  Several months of stress and more to come.  Still this was the best moment we had this Holiday Season.  Maybe by New Year's Eve we will take a moment and really celebrate.  Again perspective is everything.   We need to take just 30 minutes and say wow.  Instead we are busy renovating the building and booking guest at our properties and burning the candle at both ends.  I want the 4 to see that they are not just working, but achieving great things.  I just need them to take in that this is Christmas and though everything we did this year was for work, it is still pretty cool.

Work

We tried to attend family events this year.  Last year I did not attend Christmas dinner and missed most of the Holiday Season.  This year I really wanted to try and be there with everyone for Christmas.  I was looking forward to Aunt Kim's Charity Party.  I missed it.  I wanted to be on time for Aunt Crystal's Christmas dinner.  We were 2 hours late.  I knew Aunt Kim's party was going to be amazing.  I was still searching for dresses with Mom and my sisters for our company ad at 9:00 PM the evening of my Aunt's Party.  I looked like a haggard hobo not a woman looking for dresses for work.  I remembered looking at my phone and saying I'm not going to make it.  Being creative while collaborating with 3 other women takes time.  The pics to Aunt Kim's event were amazing.  We were also late for Christmas dinner.  Why? Because we had someone book our property on Christmas Day.  Our guest arrived in Louisville on Christmas and found they had nowhere to stay.  Since we just purchased a new building this was a much needed booking.  Mom and Faith worked hard to settle our guest in one of our places.  In our family, you dress for Christmas dinner.  We did not.  We arrived looking well, less than what is expected, but we were there and we had fun.

Holiday Season

My husband passed December 13, 2013, Friday the 13th.  This year I wanted to decorate on the 13th to change the emotional charge of the day.  We haven't decorated since 2012.  We did not get a chance to do anything for Christmas on December, 13th this year like I wanted.  I was feeling  down. I felt like I failed.  I was downstairs at 2 am when the doorbell rang.  I didn't answer the door because it couldn't be for me and everyone else was asleep.  I did not know it was my mother's youngest brother, my uncle.  I did not know he brought us a real tree.  I went to bed before dawn.  I called my mother later that morning and she told me Uncle Wayne left us a tree.  The mood at our home had not been good.  It was difficult at best.  When I came downstairs later that afternoon it smelled like Christmas.  Faith who works all day and all night everyday looked happier than she had in months.  The tension was leaving our home.  We had something that we needed but couldn't get for ourselves left at our door step and it changed everything.  My uncle knew what the 13th was and he brought us a tree.  My uncle loved Bryan, too.  We all did.  He was our family.  I believe Bryan knew we felt defeated.  He knew that we really needed to change that day, so he sent my uncle at 2 am.  Thank God! We decorated our tree differently than we normally do but we still love it.  That is our first tree in years.

Perspective

I need to look at my life with new eyes.  Days can be a burden or a learning experience.  Work can be work or a moment to be spent with others.  A beautiful dress is a beautiful dress.  Does it matter that I got it for work? Christmas is Christmas even when we work so hard and we don't take notice.  Christmas happens. Life happens.

We Are All Sisters Happy Holidays

For years now my Aunt Crystal has held her annual Sister To Sister (Click here to read about 2013 party it was a blast) party. It is a party to bring together sisters of all kinds. Blood sisters, In-Law Sisters, Church sisters, Best Friend Sisters, Work Sisters and any other type of "sister" you can think of gather together for the first Saturday in December.  

Now our family is very big and I don't think all of Aunt Crystals sisters have ever been at this event at the same time. In fact I know they have not. Now my mom has been there almost every year and so has Aunt Kathy but Aunt Crystal has yet to be lucky enough to have all her sisters attend in the same year. There is Yvonne the oldest, then of course Crystal (the host), Glenda (my mom), Wanda, Lutisha, C.C., Tonya, and Kimberly. They are a party onto themselves and one day I am sure that all will party together. FYI funerals don't count, lol.

Aunt Crystal's party has more to do with building up a sisterhood than being blood sisters. She wants women to come together and eat because that's what families do. She wants us to play games together because that's how families build relationships. She wants us to laugh and dance together because that's how our sisterhood celebrates this life together. In December 2013 I became a widow. Eight months later in August 2014 my Aunt Crystal became a widow, too. It is 2015 and many of the ladies attended a wake before coming to the party. Regardless we all share our lives together.

Sisters are sisters but sometimes your blood sister can't be there for you. At a gathering like this it is okay because you always belong to a sisterhood of women. Sometimes your Aunt is your sister. Sometimes the person who works with your Aunt and that you are meeting for the first time, is your sister. When you enter my Aunts party you know that everyone is a sister period and that is a comfort. It kicks off the holidays and all though we may not know what the future holds, we know today there will be the game Pokeno.

My Jedi Mind Trick Diet Part II: Holiday Diet Or Food Fest? Thanksgiving, Christmas And New Years

It is Black Friday many of you have Thanksgiving leftovers you are still eating your way through.  I decided to go my own path and my own way.  I am making up my own rules and this will be the first Thanksgiving I actually lost weight and I mean a lot of weight.  I did not have a Thanksgiving meal yesterday and I loved it.  I am finding my own Jedi way.  To get the back story checkout my blog My Jedi Mind Trick Diet.

I was not sad to miss out on some of my Thanksgiving favorites.  In fact I ate some of my favorites the week before Thanksgiving.  I just feel Thanksgiving never occurs at a good diet moment in my life.  I always end up not happy with having my big meal on the last Thursday of November.  Let's face it we all want to look good during the Holidays and yet Thanksgiving almost guarantees you will spend the Holidays looking less than your dream holiday self.  I would always lament the loss of the last weekend in November.  I would always wish I could have my best food at the beginning of November because it was directly after Halloween and it would allow me to eat whatever I want and go on a diet later.  If Thanksgiving were the day after Halloween I would have most of November to diet/recover.  Unfortunately that's not the way things are.  This year I lost weight on Thanksgiving.  This year I will be my own Jedi.

I am posting video blogs on this page about my inner Jedi, my desire to become my better self and to be truly happy during the holiday season.

Jedi Mind Trick Diet- Losing Weight during the Holidays

Jedi Mind Trick Diet- Losing Weight during the Holidays Part 2

Jedi Mind Trick Diet- Losing Weight during the Holidays Part 3

Jedi Mind Trick Diet- Losing Weight during the Holidays Part 4

My Jedi Mind Trick Diet

"These are not the pounds you're looking for," is what I say to my body.  I am trying my best to lose weight.  For some reason when I start one thing I drop another.  My hair is not getting the same attention nowadays .  The ideal solution for my perfect life would be to have no weight issue and concentrate on my hair but I am not there yet.  To tell the truth I need to cross this body issue thing off my list.  Bryan's birthday is Oct. 12th and I would like to be better than I am right now.  I don't want to be destroyed by grief and yet I fight the need to be destroyed by grief.  I am better than what I have shown the world.  No one has ever seen me at full power.  I am one of those people who choose to be underestimated.  Now I am in a world I never thought I would be in and I have to say enough.  My grief makes it impossible for me to...I am the one who believes all is possible.  Being the me who hid my best self is a bad habit learned early in my life and practiced by me for too long.

So to get back on track I want my body to be its best.  My head I know is not in the best place, hence the Jedi Mind Tricks.

1. Weigh in British Stones Only.  My mind has a built-in belief about pounds and weight loss.  I need to use a system I don't understand at all.
2. Low carb Diet, it would be a no carb diet but every night I have cashew milk with turmeric, ginger, cinnamon, black pepper and a dash of maple syrup.
3. Chicken with grilled eggplant and zucchini every meal for now
4. Intermittent fasting

Keeping it simple is the only way.  I made sure that both my sisters birthdays were eat days.  On the first day I recorded my weight in pounds and then in stones.  I will vlog about how I feel and what I discover and I hope the Jedi Mind Tricks work.  I will post vlogs here until I write something new about my diet.

What To Do With Grief

It has been a while since I posted anything.  Grief does that sometimes.  It cuts you off from the world.  It gives you Sleeping Beauty disease, literally making leaving the bed near to impossible even when there is beach outside.  So now here I am, back from a long sleep and here is My Royal Family 4's grief playbook:

1. Counseling
2. Reading Blogs
3. Shamans
4. Spas
5. Mediums
6. Road Trips
7. Fasting
8. Medicine Wheel with Barbara Bloecher
9. Fasting
10. Reading Books
11. Qigong with Master Ding
12. TV On Demand/Netflix/Hulu Plus

As you can see the four of us have been busy and not so busy.  I have slept many days away; while the other three Ladies have fought hard to keep the walls from tumbling down.  I feel guilty but I don't know what else to do.  I do what is on our schedule.  We are all reading the same books together.  We are all studying together.  We are all searching together.  Somehow I have managed to sleep so many days away in spite of our packed schedule.

I am going to give you the list of books that the four of us are reading.  If you are grieving or even if you are not you might like the reading list.  You might find it interesting or not.  If you are grieving it may give you some temporary peace.  If you are bored well it might change your thought process.  I don't have much to share right now.  WE, My Royal Family 4, are grieving and we are also reading.  It is part of our search.






     





    





All books listed above can be found on Amazon:

Sepher Rezial Hemelach: The Book of the Angel Rezial by Steve Saved

Matrix Energetics: The Science and Art of Transformation by Richard Bartlett

Into the Matrix: Guides, Grace, and the Field of the Heart by Richard Bartlett D.C. N.D, [ The Matrix

Energetics Experience Kit [With Cards and DVD and Study Guide] ] THE MATRIX ENERGETICS EXPERIENCE... by Richard Bartlett,

The Physics of Miracles: Tapping in to the Field of Consciousness Potential by Richard Bartlett DC ND,

E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality by Pam Grout

Ask George Anderson: What Souls in... George Anderson, Andrew Barone

Walking in the Garden of Souls... George Anderson, Andrew Barone

We Don't Die: George Anderson's...

The Pleiadian Workbook: Awakening Your Divine Ka by Amorah Quan Yin

I Am the Word: A Guide to the Consciousness of Man's Self in a Transitioning Time by Paul Selig

The Third Jesus by Deepak Chopra (2008), 

archangels and ascended masters by doreen virtue

Biocentrism: How Life and Consciousness are the Keys to Understanding the True Nature of the Universe by Robert Lanza and Bob Berman

Oneness by Rasha

A Journey to Oneness: a Chronicle of Spiritual Emergence by Rasha

We are reading more than the books listed above and I will add more to the list when I feel like it.

In addition to reading we are doing major TV marathons: Supernatural, Resurrection, Believe 

These three shows are just a few we are watching.  They tend to get our minds off the things we don't want to think about.

One day I hope to do a vBlog about what we are doing so check back later.

Living While Mourning

I loved my husband and tried to integrate him into every part of my life.  My sisters loved my husband like a brother.  My mother loved my husband as if he were her son.  None of us could imagine living in a world without him physically being present.  It seemed impossible. 

Bryan left the physical world December 13, 2013.  That is right, he moved on to the other side less than two months ago.  We celebrated Christmas, New Years, my birthday and went on our first road trip without him during the roughly month and a half since I last physically saw him.  (Note: my sisters, my mother and I have seen him in spirit a few times but we are so distraught that I feel it affects those experiences.)

We did our best to get through Christmas, New Years and my birthday.  If it weren’t for my Aunt Crystal, cousin Shawn and Erik we really would not have made it through.  They dropped everything in their lives to help the four of us at great inconvenience to themselves.  They gave their very best for us and allowed us to mourn while celebrating all the holidays. 

Bryan’s parents and siblings handled his loss with a grace I did not have.  They were completely beautiful in handling the loss of such a wonderful son and brother.  I could only hope that one day I could be as graceful as they were.  (Note: May we never have to show such grace because of a tragedy again.  May all of us show grace in the way we live and may we never experience this kind of pain again.)  Bryan’s cousin was the only person who could calm me down on the day I discovered my husband’s body.  She may not know it but she gave me information that I needed.  She and my sister Joy together handled getting information to all family members on both sides.

We are all trying hard to live with the way our world is now.  Dealing with me is not the easiest thing during normal circumstances and right now it is near to impossible.  I am not a social person but as part of a group I am very social.  My sisters look at going out as fun.  I see going out as my job, which is a good thing, because if it weren’t my job I would never leave the house.  The point is, because I see being out as part of my job I went out New Years instead of staying at home.  I cried all night.  The lyrics of the songs just tore me apart.  Same thing on my birthday, we went to a casino to celebrate and to hear a live band.  I cried so hard that I was embarrassed.

The road trip we took was a trip Bryan had planned for us years back but we never took.  It was strange because Joy made the arrangements without remembering that Bryan had made plans for us to go there many years ago.  While Joy was booking the resort she kept commenting that Bryan was picking the resort.  She was right, he was.  It was very healing for us to be there.  We received several treatments including Body Talk, which has really helped us.  The Body talk treatment was so powerful we will continue to have them with our local practitioner.  I felt good at the resort all day and all afternoon but by dinner (every dinner at the resort) I cried.

Faith came up with a wonderful idea today.  She basically said that maybe we need to figure out how to have fun at home and it will help us have fun out.  That isn’t what she said but I can’t put it the way she did.  I just know that she had us play Black Jack today in the breakfast room and I feel better.  I can at least attempt to write.  Faith allowed me to feel happy.  I think that she believes that if we practice living at home as if we are out that maybe one day we can go to the real Black Jack table or dance floor or spa or fancy dinner and make it through without crying.  We can live the moments we are in and not the moment we want most to change.

For My Husband

Bryan I am not angry with you. I am your wife. I will always be your wife. You will always be my husband. I wish I could celebrate the best of us. I wish while we were on the same plane you could have seen the best of me. If I live past this moment I promise you, you will see my best. I promise you that you will see how great my love for you is. You are the man I loved to show off. I will show you that I can be a great wife. Build our world on the next plane. Make it bright and wonderful. Be there to receive all four of us. We will be new and you must show us how much fun the next life is. I give you permission to see everything in my heart, soul and body and mind. There are no locks. See it all. Know it all. I give you permission to speak to me whenever you want. I give you permission to show yourself to me whenever you want. I give you permission to move forward whenever you want. Go into the light and make a home for us. You were always a great man now become an even greater being. Let no one hold you back. Let no thoughts hold you back. Let no regrets hold you back. I am your wife! I love you now and always!

I sent this to him this Sunday at 7:53 PM.  I post it now in hopes that if he could not feel my words then that maybe others reading it will help him feel it.  I am...I just am. (Please note "if I live past this moment" only means I know I am not guaranteed any moment past the breath I have now.) Bryan passed away on the 13th Friday of this month of December in the of year 2013. 

My love, Bryan Scichilone.

Bryan's guest book